Asexuality – An Update (aka Flirting is Fun)

How has it already been more than two years since I came out as asexual? It feels like either yesterday or a lifetime ago.

So much has changed since that day in 2011 when I discovered that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t broken. And even more has changed since I said it aloud and came out of the closet I didn’t know I was in. (Asexuality)

People come to me with questions. And even though some of them can be a bit intrusive, I’m happy to answer.

I’ve been told that “maybe you just need to meet the right person.” I’ve met people, that in another life might have been the “right person.” I still don’t want to have sex with them.

My family still doesn’t understand.

Not everyone sees asexuality the same way. What I feel isn’t going to be the same as what the person next to me feels.

I have no desire to have a sexual relationship with someone. If I did, it would be a carefully chosen person who understands my position. But I honestly have no desire for one.

I’ve been accused of being a prude and leading people on and even lying about my sexuality. Once upon a time, I tried to identify as bisexual, before I knew there were other terms. That doesn’t mean I was lying, it means I was wrong.

The LGBTQ community isn’t quite as accepting as I’d hoped. I’ve had people welcome me with open arms and people tell me I wasn’t welcome at all.

Not everyone likes labels. I label myself, and for me, it’s very empowering.

I’ve met other people who identify as asexual. And in one very special experience, I met a woman who told me she came out after hearing my story.

But the best part of coming out as asexual? I’ve discovered the joys of flirting. I’m not always aware that I’m doing it, and to the people who have been caught in my obliviousness, I sincerely apologise. But sometimes I find myself surrounded by people who know exactly what being asexual means to me. And when that happens, we can flirt all night. Men, women, potted plants, anyone. Because the best part of being publicly asexual is that people know you don’t mean anything by it. Flirting is fun; it’s a way to blow off steam, and relax, and be close to another person without sleeping with them. And as a person who isn’t typically into physical contact, being able to flirt is an amazing feeling.

Sometimes I still have to remind myself that I’m not broken. I still live in a world that emphasises sexuality. And I’m still not interested in it. But I don’t have to feel embarrassed or hide anymore. If I just sigh and move on, that’s okay.

And if I want to go to a Pride Parade and celebrate until I’m hoarse, that’s okay too.

Proud Asexual

Finally, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you are asexual and need an ear or a shoulder, I’m here. If you’re not and have questions, I’m here. And if you fall into anywhere in between, I’m here too. Just ask.

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